yesterday, i put a pretty funny personal ad on craigslist. i got a lot of responses, some kinda sweet, some lame, and some just not the types i am attracted to. so there’s this one guy who replies and seems sweet enough, so i write back along with a photo of me…mind you, on the ad, i didn’t put anywhere on there that i was a saf (single asian female) because i was trying to avoid guys with asian fetishes. so i get no reply until this morning.
his reply is as follows:
well, i’m a racist and possibly an asshole. but you deserve a reply of some sort. let me explain a bit: i spent a year in korea. i ended up with a broken heart. i know you are most likely american born chinese, but i have stupid prejuduces. and i’m just not into asian girls. my bad. my problem. my stupidity. but i think you deserve an answer. would you have preferred to not get any reply? please let me know. like i said, i might be an asshole but i’d like to believe i’m not insensitive. maybe writing this proves i’m both. i don’t even know.
this was my reply:
don’t beat yourself up. we’re all racist to a certain degree. it all depends on our past experiences, media, socialization, and our own fears/insecurities. i’m actually korean born, but raised in america since i was 3, so i’m not your typical asian girl either, but i totally get that we probably look all alike to most (believe me, sometimes i can’t tell the difference…tee hee). ;p unfortunately, one korean bitch can leave a bad taste for all of us.
next time, you probably just want to tell the girl that she’s not what you’re looking for, instead of going into a self-loathing, remorseful reply. it’s really unnecessary cuz we all have our preferences, too. to be perfectly honest, i wasn’t attracted to your photo either, but you seemed sweet and fun to know. i was trying to go against what i’m normally attracted to, to see if i’d have better luck at finding someone cool. 
so don’t feel bad at all. thanks for writing back to let me know. that’s far better than 99% of the guys out there.
and you’re NOT an insensitive asshole…you’re just human.
so it got me thinking, am i racist because i don’t date asian men? i’m just NOT attracted to asian men and really hate the fact that some people expect certain races to date each other just because they are a particular race. i’m sorry if you’re an asian man reading this, you are probably a great guy, but i’m just NOT sexually attracted to you. it might be my issues with my tyrannical father or the fact i was raised in america where most leading men in films, books, and what not were gorgeous white men who made your mouth water or the guys i was surrounded with at the time. down in east la, i was surrounded by a lot of hispanic men, so i was attracted to the cutest hispanic guys at school, steven and louis. then in college and grad school, mostly intelligent, nerdy, artsy white guys, so big crushes there. my first boyfriend was albanian, fair in skin, but features were very middle eastern. in my history of dating men, i did fuck one asian (a filipino friend of mine), but he was more spanish than typical asian to me. i know indians are asian, too, but i’d fuck ben kingsley in a heartbeat–that man is delicious!
is it my preference that i am attracted to tall, skinny, white guys who have boyish charms??? is it racism that i find most asian men either unattractive or too feminine (the other day, i mistook a chinese woman as a chinese man until she started talking…my bad)??? or is it an even deeper, self-loathing because i myself do not relate to the asian culture very well, so if i actually dated someone korean, i’d feel inadequate in my own culture or a slight disdain for it? if you asked me who i was, i’d tell you my name, and i’d say that i’m a female, sexy-cute, intelligent, funny and fun writer/dreamer/filmmaker. the only times i ever identify myself as korean or asian is when i have to fill out official forms or surveys or someone specifically asks me what is my race? i would prefer to say that i’m a human being, a citizen of the world. please don’t judge me by the color of my skin or shape of my eyes or my race, especially because i am the least korean/asian person you will ever meet in this world, and yet, aren’t i judging my race as well???
all i know is my heart wants what it wants, and it swoons for james mcavoy, ewan mcgregor, ben gibbard, jack black, and steve buscemi…go figure?!
4 Comments
November 2, 2009 at 7:18 pm
I wish i could write as good and impressive as you. I’m amaze how you ever manage to express yourself in writing that totally make attracted to you ….. speaking for myself, I’m so attracted to you even for female to female
November 3, 2009 at 6:11 am
awww, you’re making me blush! thank you for that amazing compliment.
November 3, 2009 at 11:12 pm
I can relate a little. im full korean. my parents were born in seoul but i was born and raised in orange county california. I grew up around mostly white people. I’m not a racist and I don’t hate myself(my race). I am actually very content and very proud to be Korean but I’m not sexually attracted to korean(asian) women. I guess it’s because i grew up around around white people most of my lifetime. I can relate to the whole racism thing as well…. i remember when i told my mom about my first girlfriend and how she was white. My mom was dissappointed & unhappy at first but as soon as i invited her over for dinner she got over it. she was actually very surprised and told her how beautiful she was the whole time. pretty embarrassing….whatever. I don’t know. To each his own I guess. Everyone has their preferences.
November 4, 2009 at 5:17 am
thank you so much for sharing!!! that’s really refreshing to know i’m not alone in feeling this way.