hell no to unhappy marriages…

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maybe it’s because my parents were ill-matched, but i didn’t really grow up with a great example of what a marriage should look like in reality. i say reality because i also grew up with an idealized version of what a marriage should look like from 30 minute sitcoms that painted the rosiest of rosy couples and families making everything work out through talking and understanding and a bowl of ice cream or kiss at the end with a big chuckle from the pre-recorded laugh track. i got the dashing prince coming to save the damsel in distress complex from fairytales and other books i read as a child. i used to believe that my friends all had the perfect parents while i got stuck with the best mom in the world who had the worst luck in the world to have married my defective dad.

then the fantasies all got stomped out by too many realities lately, my sister’s divorce, various married friends telling me that marriage is difficult and that i shouldn’t ache for it, and still other married friends struggling with less than fun relationships (a couple who have grown apart through the years or rather were never really meant for each other, but settled for each other at the time and are now stuck). even the films and books have taken the reality’s side and perhaps at times gone to the other extremes. i’ve noticed that marriages are portrayed as what’s “boring” and singlehood as what’s the “fantasies” in sitcoms, free to have fun and screw whoever you please (ummm, that’s NOT my reality of being single).

so i definitely don’t want the marriage anymore. the chances of meeting the “one” are so slim in this lifetime, that i think most of us end up “settling” with the one who bugs us the least out of the ones who we’ve met thusfar. i really believe that i’ve met the “one,” but alas, he’s already married. my dumb luck! you may tell me, “well, the fact that he’s already married should prove that he wasn’t the “one” for me.” you may also say, “there’s more than one person who matches you and even whichever one you are lucky enough to meet in this lifetime will turn out to disappoint you because he’s only human.” and yes, yes, to both those claims, but i think if you’re lucky, you will meet one person in this lifetime who just gets you instantly inside and out and even when things get rough, he will understand that this is part of living and that he loves you anyway and is willing to work through it with you. but you have to be hella lucky to meet another person in this lifetime who is even better than the first, and alas, i have never been that “lucky” in love ever. so i’m betting on finding someone who sorta fits me and maybe we can learn to grow with each other and eventually we’ll have a baby together, but no marriage for me…i don’t want to get stuck in an unhappy marriage.

i think chris rock makes this really funny point, (i’m paraphrasing here and keep in mind i’ve got a terrible memory) “you know when your wife is looking at you all strange and throwing daggers with her eyes at you, she’s thinking to herself that you weren’t her first choice.” this is probably true for a lot of couples out there.

disclaimer: my blogs are only my opinions and thoughts. i don’t want you to think that i’m making light of your current relationships or what not. if you’re one of the lucky ones to have found your soulmate, you hold on tight and love that person with all your heart. these are just my experiences i hope you can laugh about and maybe relate to, but i don’t claim to be an expert on anything but my own heart.

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