latest updates: i think i want to move to chicago or boston? maybe the men are better there.
the friend who i told i have a crush on finally wrote back to let me know that he had no idea that i felt like that and that he didn’t think it would work out between us and that he hopes it doesn’t ruin our friendship. i was a bit sad, but then again, because i cared about him as a friend for so long, this rejection didn’t crush me too badly.
about a week ago, i met this guy i’d been writing to on and off on okcupid. he turned out to have very beady eyes and didn’t really look like his pictures at all. then when we talked, he seemed so bored with me and disinterested that i was wondering how to end the date after a courteous hour. finally, he actually excused himself, and we said good-bye and wished each other good luck. i didn’t like him. he didn’t like me. no hard feelings. brilliant!
now, i’m currently talking to two other guys on okcupid for the past month or so, and neither one has asked me out. i get this feeling like they’re both dating a bunch of other girls and just stringing me along as a back-up plan…i don’t understand what’s the deal with them?! obviously, they don’t like me like me, right?! i mean why do you keep writing to a girl once or twice a week, but just can’t grow some balls and ask her out? we seem to have a fun, good conversation going via e-mail. it’s just weird?!
then there’s this guy on eharmony who is asking to talk with me, and i’m just sitting here hesitating cuz 1) he lives further than i really want (me not having a car), 2) he’s been married once for 4 months (that’s already a little troubling), 3) he’s had a wide variety of jobs and is now a dj (this could mean he’s got a lot of interests or he’s got major ADD?). so i’m not sure if i want to even bother opening that door.
so at the end of the day, i still want to find love or at least someone i can trust to handle my heart with care, but i keep getting disappointed in what the world has to offer me. how the fuck did i end up here?!
2 Comments
July 15, 2009 at 8:20 am
How did you end here? Let me tell you. You ended up here because you love with your heart and mind, other people – like me – love with only or mostly their heart. Where you can be honest with yourself and say well, I can see how things wouldn’t work between us after a few months, other people – again, me – will jump face first into a relationshiop which on the surface seems like a great thing, only to find out later that there are cracks and other problems. Not saying that jumping in face first is all bad, because, honestly, I for one was in truly in love with my ex, but I never took the time to find out where we were or were not compatable, and then, when I found out the areas that were weren’t, it was a struggle to try and move past that.
So all you are doing is testing the waters, making sure that it’s the right temprature – not to hot and not to cold – and, mostly importantly, making sure that nobody has pissed in the pool, etc, etc. These are all good things, and nothing about how you are going about finding “the one” is bad, it just frusterating that it’s taking so long.
July 15, 2009 at 9:03 am
ugh! i wish i could get out of my mind and just love with my heart. ;( seems like i’d at least be happier than i am right now…and yet, this is who i am, so i can’t apologize—i can only accept me as i am and keep loving as i do.
yeah, pee in the water ain’t cool. ;p