growing up, they never tell you about what happens after “then they lived happily ever after.” they never tell you that sometimes prince charming ends up fucking the ugly stepsister while you’ve gone to visit your fairy godmother. they don’t tell you that pumpkins don’t actually turn into horse-drawn carriages or mice can’t actually wish you a “happy birthday.”
so i grew up, dreaming about someday meeting the “one,” my prince charming who was made just for me. i thought i’d have met him by now, living my happily ever after.
recently, my older sister who is going through a very messy divorce, told me how she didn’t really feel attractive anymore. she felt like she had too much baggage. i told her that she’s still very attractive, and in time, she’ll be ready for the dating world and that most guys don’t even care if you’re divorced. i’ve gone through so many profiles on match.com where most men don’t care about your marital status.
but in my head, i still want my fairytale. i want to meet my mr. right who was waiting just for me. i don’t want to be someone’s second or third wife. maybe it’s because i’m the second child, and i grew up with hand-me downs for most of my life. i used to be so idealistic that i was going to save my virginity for my husband who would also be a virgin. as years passed, thinking i’d probably die a virgin at the rate i was going at, i modified my original plan and decided that i would have sex with someone i loved. then more years passed, and i was a 26-year-old virgin who hadn’t even been kissed, ready to pop from sexual frustration. so when i met a guy i liked enough, i gave him my virginity. so the last thing i held onto was that i’d marry someone who hadn’t married anyone before. for me, marriage is still very special promise you make with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. as silly as this sounds, i just don’t want my prince charming to have made this promise with some other cinderella or sleeping beauty.
it’s pretty irrational of me, of course because what’s the difference between someone who marries and gets a divorce and someone who just lives with someone for the same amount of time and eventually breaks up??? and yet, i still believe my soulmate is out there unattached waiting just for me.
sometimes i feel so cheated out of sweet, young love because i wasn’t kissed until i was 26, i was raped at 29, and i fell in love for the first and only time when i was 32, but he did not love me back. so i feel like wishing for someone around my age, who fits me emotionally, physically, and spiritually, who hasn’t been married nor had any children yet, and who wants to spend his life with me might be asking for too much, but my love life has been very short in comparison to most, so maybe until i’m 40, i’m still going to wait for my very own glass slipper, one that fits me and only me perfectly. 
6 Comments
July 8, 2009 at 5:57 am
That was great, you made me giggle. We as women tend to settle just to save ourselves from being alone, crock of crap if you ask me. Hold out for your prince charming, no kids no baggage and with the glass slipper made just for you.
July 8, 2009 at 6:56 am
thank you for your support cuz believe me, there are those days and nights when i feel like i should just settle for the 57-year-old divorced father of three living on some farm in idaho who happened to wink at me online, but then again, i’ve waited this long, i think i deserve to have a 30-something single, sweet guy living here in sf. now where the heck do i find this guy? —that’s the part i’m trying to figure out.
July 8, 2009 at 2:33 pm
I, from experience disagree. I made my mistake of first come first served and am now a single dad of two. My ‘love life’ since being so has never been more fulfilling, its not the baggage its the means of journey and destination, ok the baggage incurs a surcharge, but doesn’t it always?
July 8, 2009 at 3:02 pm
like i said, it’s a stupid thing that i wish for, but that’s just something i want for me. maybe once i get married and have a divorce, i’ll feel different, but right now, i plan to only have one marriage if any at all…lately, i’m not sure if that’s even what i want anymore.
i’m glad you’re having a good time!
July 9, 2009 at 5:21 am
Yes, I must protest and speak out as a almost-to-be divorced male. I certaintly went into my marriage thinking this was the one that I would be with forever and I was happy with that, then, she changed her mind only after a year-and-half marriage. But I don’t look at it as poor me, or am I now of the opinion that all women are like this. I just look at it as, next time I have to vet the person I am with better, because the truth is I loved being married and would love to be married again – if you can’t live life trying to make someone else happy and fulfilled and really living your life for them, then life isn’t really worth living at all. So don’t rule out the divorced crowd, because, I would say that there are probably some real decent guys out there amongst them.
July 9, 2009 at 6:11 am
it’s just a preference i have, and yes, maybe i’m missing out on finding the “one,” but for now, that’s what my heart wants. i guess i’ve met a few divorced guys who seemed to be so jaded about love and say things like, “i’ve done it once, i don’t need to be married again.” if i met the right guy naturally in the world (without online dating) and i took a liking to him and he happens to be divorced, then i might feel different, but as long as i’m doing online dating (which seems very orchestrated and fake in a way), i’m going to go with what i like and want.
you shouldn’t feel bad about my blog entry, there are plenty of girls out there who don’t feel the way i do, and from your past comments, it sounds like it won’t be long until you do.