ok, boys and girls…i had an actual date—a date with an actual guy who was actually really sweet and actually not a jerk and get this who actually liked me…BUT i wasn’t attracted to him physically. UGH! i could just kill myself. i complain left and right how much i just need to find a nice, decent guy to date in san francisco, and the gods who fucking hate me send me matt, a lumberjack of a guy. he’s not ugly, but he’s also not my normal cute, so i’m torn. my head is telling me to give this one a chance while my heart is feeling disappointed while my loins are shooting off blanks. it’s not an ideal situation for a girl who wants to fall in love.
he was nice enough, smart enough, funny enough, but just not for me. at one point of the evening, he said, “gosh, i would never be able to sleep with a hooker cuz i can only be aroused if i know my partner is aroused by me genuinely.” i wanted to get out of the car at that point cuz i knew he deserved to be with that girl who was genuinely aroused by him, i wasn’t that girl.
at the end of the evening, he held my hands and told me that he looked forward to a second date…i didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth, so i said sheepishly, “yeah, i can see it in the cards.” but when i got into my bedroom, i immediately e-mailed to say that i wasn’t attracted to him romantically and we could be friends, if he wanted to be. well, he never wrote back, and i feel like a shithead, but then again, i don’t want to settle. what kind of life would i have with matt, if i’m always hot for the next guy and not him. it’s not fair to him, but doubly, not fair to me. i want to be with a guy who makes my heart skip that proverbial heartbeat. 
…and you know what? i fucking deserve that…we all do. don’t settle for less than you deserve cuz you just don’t think he/she’s out there. i mean don’t be ridiculous and look for someone perfect cuz no one is, but at least get the basics that you crave fulfilled. :p
2 Comments
June 29, 2009 at 8:39 am
Good girl – don’t settle for Mr. Right Now. He may have been heart broken, but what he said with the hooker statement goes hand-in-hand with what you felt in your heart. In the end you need to do what is best for you and whom ever you end with, because, in my opinion, “love is when you love somebody more then you love yourself,” and if you can’t see yourself with whom ever you might be on a date with then it is doomed to fail. I bet when you find Mr. Right you won’t even be asking yourself these questions, it’ll just be something that is automatic.
June 29, 2009 at 9:13 am
i hope so.
thanks!