i finally had a fun first date with a sweet guy…his name is adam. i was not sure if i felt love vibes, but i knew i enjoyed talking with him. he was amazing in the sense that he started 3 nonprofits and was working on making more great things in other places around the world. i was intimidated by him as well, but it made me rethink what i need to do in order to make my dreams come true. he was so open with his stories, emotions, and thoughts about the world, love and life. i was intrigued by him. he seemed to be a bit smitten with me, asking me on a second date even before our first date had begun.
well, we try to set up another date, but he goes silent for 3 days. i write to wish him well cuz i’m a bit confused. we find out that he didn’t get my last e-mail. we tentatively make a date for today, but no definite plans. he tells me he’ll try to call thursday, but he doesn’t. then i’m waiting 3 more days.
i go out with andy to brunch and a movie, and i wish in my heart that andy was still mine. i get home and there’s this e-mail from adam telling me that he had an old friend visiting and wondered if i still wanted to get together, and i’m thinking to myself, i don’t want to be that girl—that girl who is waiting by the phone. i don’t know why it’s so hard to just text a quick note or e-mail to just let me know or just confirm a time and location to meet? why was it so hard for him to just make a date with me and show up?
i wrote a note to let him know that i didn’t think we were on the same page and that i wished him all the best. i sorta think i should have just saved myself the extra hope wasted yet again. i’m really tired of putting my heart out there…i know that’s the only way to find love, but i just don’t understand why it has to be so difficult for me.
i think another thing that bothered me a little was that a friend of mine who is 26 wrote a personal ad that adam answered. he’s 39. it made me feel like he didn’t really care about who he was looking for, just that she was asian. i’m not sure why that bothered me, but i don’t i wanted to be with someone who was trying to date a girl 13 years younger than himself. i love my friend, but a 26 year old is very different from a 34 year old. i just felt disappointed in my original feelings about adam. ;(
i won’t give up on dating, but it seems the more i do it, the more lost i feel. ;(
