the love gods are sitting up in their puffy clouds, laughing at me and making bets with each other on who can fuck me up most royally in the romantic department.
after months of almost dates, i finally get in contact with this guy who likes to make films, does triathlons, and runs a nonprofit on the side…he’s around my age and lives somewhere in my neighborhood, and i am so pleased as pie. i reply back after his e-mail showing immense interest in getting to know me…..complete silence. what the fuck is going on??!!!
then flaky bryan reappeared in my life via e-mail. one thing led to another, he and i decide we’ll hang out on sunday. he hints at how much fun it’d be to fuck. i tell him that’s not what’s going to happen—we’re meeting up to hang out as friends. sunday rolls around, and he doesn’t call. no big surprise there! now i had anticipated this wtf, so it didn’t come out of the blue.
enter james…a guy i happen to meet via okcupid. he seems really sweet, funny, smart and easy on the eyes. he makes short films and animation. he finds me “amazingly hot” & “gorgeous” (his words, i concur), so we’re on the same page. i’m getting excited. we exchange a bunch of e-mails (sorta IMing), but then i asked if he wanted to meet up the next day…silence. i decide maybe he got tired and had to go to bed.
in the meantime, i just google his full name cuz i was curious to find out if he had animations or illustrations up online somewhere. instead, i find a site called niftyguy, and find 4 reviews on him or someone who has his exact name and lives in the same city, state. the reviews are really horrible. basically, they say he appears to be a nice guy, but he was living with his girlfriend of 7-9 years and just fucking random girls on the side. my stomach drops below my knees. i can hardly breathe. i couldn’t believe it was the same sweet, funny guy i had been having such a fun conversation with about filmmaking and robotech and how much we’d love to meet and hang out and make art together.
so i force myself to go to sleep. this morning, he writes to ask if we could meet tomorrow. i don’t know what to say. do i act like i didn’t check out his name? do i ask him if it’s true? do i meet him and then see face to face if he could be such an asshole? i’m so confused. i feel like throwing up again. so i actually come clean and tell him what i did and sorta ask if it is really him. i also tell him that i really enjoyed our conversation and was looking forward to meeting him, but now i guess that wasn’t going to happen….complete silence.
just now, i see that he’s logged onto okcupid, trolling for new unsuspecting girls, i’m sure. i don’t know what i expected. i guess maybe i wanted him to just admit that he is an asshole, if he is or deny it? but who am i? his keeper?
my sister and roommate believe that i was lucky to have found out now before i totally fell for him, but i say the love gods fucking hate me cuz why did they tease me with him in the first place?!!!
why did they send someone who seemed so perfect and then turn around to make him such a complete asshole?!!! what the fuck?! what have i done to those love gods that they have to make my love life so fucking moronic?!
most hurtful of all, why did they send me my loveable andy, let me taste a sip of pure happiness, and then change his feelings for me suddenly and so cruelly? he’s still one of my best friends. he still feels like home to me. he still holds a place in my heart. if things worked out between him and me, i wouldn’t have to shuffle through all these fucking assholes left in the rubbish bin? i could actually be happy in love and fucking like rabbits with someone wonderful!!!
love gods, i have only one thing to say to you: fuck you all!!!
