geeze, back when i was 10, i imagined by now i’d be married with 3 beautiful children and a thriving medical practice. fastforward twenty-plus years, life didn’t turn out so perfectly for me. no marriage, not even a ltr in sight let alone a decent date these days, it’s just me and my new pink vibrator. no children and to tell you the truth, each month when aunt flo comes to visit, a little part of me dies. another egg, another possibility of a beautiful baby goes down the toilet. 
and back in my junior year of college, o. chem kicked me in the arse so hard that i gave up on that medical dream ages ago. now, i work at a nonprofit (saving the world in my little ways) and write/filmmake in my dreamlife…or at least try…lately, it seems this blog is my only creative outlet and i’m not quite blogging very well lately.
so on the one hand, my life seems way depressing yesterday as i walked into a sex shop, “good vibrations” and purchased a brand new pink vibrator with a g-spot hook. my other blue one died a few months ago. i realized that that little pink thing was probably going to be my bedfellow for the next few weeks, months…dare i even think or say years? the number of quality heterosexual available men in san francisco is rapidly and definitely diminishing as we speak. i’m actually considering moving out of this fair city to seek men of quality and fun elsewhere. somewhere along the way of my life, i feel like i took the wrong turn and i’m not sure how to get back or get on the right track?!
on the other hand, my life’s all right. it’s still an adventure, unexpected and new every day. when i’m in a good mood, i get excited about finding my next love, what’s he going to look like, smell like, even taste like, and what will my future children be like, and who knows, maybe one of these days, i’ll write that bestseller or film that cool, indie flick or even turn this blog into something great! with my new pink vibrator in hand, at least, i’m still having some fun during this very dry spell of men available to share my bed and heart. there’s something exciting and fun in anticipating the unknown! and believe me, my imagination is far better than any reality out there! 
1 Comment
June 30, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Yes, imagination can be far better than reality. Also, a real guy (and I’m speaking as one here…I think) can’t do what a vibrator does. But that’s all right. It’s a good thing that you’re doing it with yourself. It seems to me that women don’t do enough of that.
On the other hand, maybe men do too much of it. I don’t know. All I know is that I’ll never understand what goes on between men and women. There’s some mysterious force that pushes us together, yet that force sometimes isn’t enough. I guess we need to try to accept one another for who we are and not expect our fantasies to become reality. The truth is that most of us are fairly ordinary people and aren’t capable of creating some sort of dream life with anyone.
Hey – everything works out eventually.